"I'm the Notre Damus of the NBA"
As we head into Week 6 of the fantasy basketball season, I took the liberty of looking up the word fantasy. It is defined as a genre of fiction that commonly uses magic and other supernatural phenomena as a primary element of plot, theme, or setting. It also states that many works within the genre take place in imaginary worlds where magic is common.
As I languish in last place in the Damn Lies league, I’m sure I’m not alone in saying that this season has been far from a fantasy. And with my newfound definition of the term, I am now on the hunt for a magician to turn my season around. With that said, ladies and gentlemen, to offer this week’s selections, allow me introduce the amazing Melodini. This is the only man, in the history of American basketball, who has singlehandedly shattered the hopes and dreams of an entire city, and will get none of the blame. Truly amazing. Continue reading
hey Chris, I'm wide open every time, man
We’re getting into that part of the season when many beleaguered owners begin to lose faith and start to not pay as much attention to the waiver wire and free agent pool. Don’t be one of these owners! Be more like your Start, Drop & Roll author, who thinks whining about his fantasy basketball team should be a profession. On to some sage Week 5 guidance.
Nicolas Batum, SF, Portland: I, for one, can’t make up my mind on Batum this year. He has been on the wrong end of a congested swing rotation in the Great Northwest, but is making the most of his opportunities. Gerald Wallace missed the Blazers’ last game with a sprained finger and Crash has never been known to make speedy returns. Batum should offer a nice across-the-board return in a four-game week. Continue reading
We’re less three weeks into the 2011-12 season and the carnage is sickening. It seems as if half the league has a sore shoulder and the other half a torn pec. But there’s always that 1 percent, and to that end, I’d like you all to know that Stephen Curry remains sidelined with a sprained ankle; Just thought you should be made aware.
The loss of Al Horford for the season will have a dramatic effect on all fantasy leagues. The reaction of Horford’s owners was eerily reminiscent to that of the North Korean people at Kim Jong Il’s funeral. While it is impossible to equate Dear Leader’s popularity, I would imagine that the owners of Josh Smith, Joe Johnson and Jeff Teague are purchasing bouquets as we speak. This triumvirate should post terrific fantasy numbers the rest of the way, and I’m also starting to think that this is the perfect opportunity to take a flyer on Marvin Williams. He returned to the Atlanta rotation on Saturday, and if he is ever going to live up to his hype, after being selected No. 2 in the draft ahead of Deron Williams and Chris Paul, this will be his chance. As for the Hawks’ new starting center, Zaza Pachulia, I think I’d rather pick up Zsa Zsa Gabor.
On to the selections for Week 4.
How could you not love this guy?
We’re nearly two weeks into the regular season and I don’t think anyone participating in fantasy basketball has any idea what’s going on. How could the NBA think that 66 games over 125 days could possibly work? It seems as if every player is either hurt, out for no apparent reason, or simply dreadful.
Personally, I ended Week 1 in last place in the Damn Lies League, a mere 50 points out of first. I walked around my house in a stupor on Sunday evening, a la Robert the Bruce at the Scottish gravesite after betraying William Wallace. Week 2 has been much better thanks to the return of a two-legged Andrew Bynum, but as a Dorell Wright owner, I’m still teetering on the brink of driving to the Bay area and giving him a massive Indian burn.
But this column, which I will commit to on a weekly basis, is not about me and my incessant whining. It’s about you, our coveted Damn Lies readers, and your need for some good ol’ fashion advice on whom to start, sit and pick up for the coming week. Let’s get down to business. Continue reading