Category Archives: Fox Unbalanced

Fox Unbalanced: Wake Me Up for the Playoffs, Part II

VCU has Shaka'd the world

You know, I’ve watched this VCU team a few times during the NCAA Tournament and not until the Elite Eight did I realize that Shaka Smart was the head coach. I swear I thought Nantz and Kellogg were referring to the team’s undersized big man who is killing people down low. Live and learn. He doesn’t look like a Shaka Smart… I mean, if one is born with this name, this person’s career is pretty much mapped out for him. It’s either bouncer, hitman, Zulu warrior or power forward. I wouldn’t think “coach” would be in the mix.

Last week, as the sight of my team in the Damn Lies standings had me on the brink of forging a prescription request from my internist for a cauldron of Zoloft, I escaped from the depression by breaking down the potential first round of a 10-team, eight-category, points-based playoffs league. Since it did momentarily have me thinking twice about accepting that harnessless window-washing job at the Chrysler Building, I figured I might as well put together round two.

Here was Round 1…

1. Derrick Rose

2. Kobe Bryant

3. Pau Gasol

4. Kevin Durant

5. Rajon Rondo

6. LeBron James

7. Dwyane Wade

8. Russell Westbrook

9. Serge Ibaka

10. Luol Deng

Round 2… Continue reading

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Fox Unbalanced: Wake Me Up for the Playoffs

"At least this isn't Libya" is a phrase Knick fans can use for at least a few more weeks.

It’s good to be back on the beat. I’d like to thank my good friend and colleague Mr. Andriesse for exposing us as frauds the other day. Yes, our NCAA Tournament brackets were an absolute embarrassment, yes we had Temple, UCLA, Washington, Utah St. and Pitt going way further than they did, and yes we didn’t write last week because we were rendered in the fetal position while watching our teams lose in the most disgusting fashion, but it was still a better showing than my 2010-11 fantasy basketball team. Funny thing is, we predicted the Big East would stink and that Jimmer Fredette would go on a Birdesque run through the tourney, yet i don’t think we have a team still alive.

On to more pressing matters, it looks as if the, uh, “Two Superstar” theory for the Knicks isn’t exactly going as planned. The New Yawkahs fell to 7-10 since Little Anthony the Imperialist joined the fray, including back-to-back home meltdowns against Boston and Orlando. From a fantasy perspective, Melo recorded probably his finest game as a Knick last night, totaling 24 points, five rebounds, nine assists and two steals, and sent legions of Knicks supporters into cardiac arrest by shooting 50 percent (6-12) from the field. From a fan’s perspective I think Melo jerseys are dangerously close to being burned in effigy at a more prolific rate than Muammar Gaddafi posters in Libya. This is not going to end well. They went from a team in salary cap Siberia, to miraculously one with a nice little future ahead of them in which to build, finally to one in which most of that cap is being spent on three guys who fit poorly together. Just wait until Amar’e Stoudemire disappears next season. But fear not Melo fans, Mike D’Antoni will be the fall guy next year if this isn’t turned around.

There are a little more than three weeks left in the regular season and I’ve got to say that when one has no shot at a fantasy championship, there is just an empty feeling when opening a box score. I do hope that Jeff, Tom and I can put together the same playoffs league we got going last April. That was a good time and that includes the draft in which I called my picks in to Jeff while driving in a monsoon on the New Jersey Turnpike. So, for all of you like me, who are completely out of your races, let’s take a sneak peek at a potential first-round of a 10-team, eight-category, non-percentage roto playoff draft in which the categories are as follows: Points (1 pt); FT Made (1 pt); Rebounds (2 pts); Assists (2 pts); 3-Pointer Made (3 pts); Steals (5 pts); Blocks (6 pts); Turnovers (-3 pts). Continue reading


Fox Unbalanced: The Little Dance

If you think Jimmer's excited now, wait until he loses his virginity.

In as much as I can barely bring myself to watch a college basketball game, I will say that there is nothing greater than the NCAA Tournament. While I’ve only seen a handful of games thus far, it’s never too early to take a look at the steals of next year’s fantasy basketball drafts. As we’ve seen the past few years, rookies can win titles. In the Damn Lies League a year ago, Jeff won it going away with mid-round selections Stephen Curry and Tyreke Evans carrying the load. Of course I went with those same two guys this year and they are carrying quite the load of manure. I’ve been told that I’ve been muttering something about trying to find some missing sardines ever since.

I’ve heard many analysts say that the current class will not be a great one as far as NBA potential goes, but we at Damn Lies will not except that. We REFUSE to accept that. So without further adieu, Gregger Fox will do league and column-mates Jeffer Andriesse and Tommer Lorenzo a big favor and find a few steals from this year’s NBA-entering class. I’ll update this list to include a few more following The Big Sock Hop. Continue reading


Fox Unbalanced: Udoh/Uzoh Union Usurps Universe

Oo-yay ould-shay ick-pay up-yay Ekpe Udoh.

It’s been a wild and woolly few weeks as trades, buyouts and signings have turned fantasy basketball into a Strat-o-Matic league. Ten bucks to anyone who can name the starting five for the Cavaliers right now, and this includes Byron Scott. No cheating Byron! Hey Bubbly, I hate to break it to you but Jim Chones hasn’t started in the Cleveland pivot in more than three decades.

While many intoxicated owners are currently under the influence of roto baseball, here is the perfect opportunity to make up some serious ground in the standings. For whom to pick up or drop since the fallout, I leave that information in good hands as my Damn Lies colleagues have pretty much covered everyone who has switched teams, including Elton John. But there are a few guys remaining, who haven’t been traded, who haven’t been bought out, who haven’t signed elsewhere, who no one knows exists, who could soon be making waves. Let’s take a gander. Continue reading


Fox Unbalanced: Knick Knacks

Greg's got them real Knickerbocker fan blues...

It didn’t take long for Carmelo Anthony to leave an impression on the many intelligent Knickerbocker fans out there. He was brutal Wednesday night, folks, forcing up shots and not sprinting back on defense on a regular basis. But thanks to Toney Douglas‘ sparkling play, the Knicks hung on to defeat the Bucks at the Garden. Now let me get this straight – every pseudo basketball fan East of the Hudson was head over heels for this team through December, despite a schedule that made the Harlem Globetrotters jealous, but were then ready to jump ship following a mediocre six-week stretch? People were completely over-the-top with this team pre-trade and are now so quick to abandon ship because Captain Chucker is in town.

Last night was the most important Knick game at the Garden in more than 15 years. Or was it that game against the Celtics in December? Or didn’t I hear that the Heat game at the Garden was the best event at MSG since Ali-Frazier I? Just because they couldn’t get a good game of checkers going in the Garden the past 10 years doesn’t make every important game “the most important” in MSG history.

I didn’t think Knicks fans were blind to the type of player Danilo Gallinari was becoming. How about the great role Wilson Chandler played? How about that tough mothereffer, Ray Felton? How about that chemistry they had going? Hell, I was even impressed with Amar’e Stoudemire‘s effort at times.

Donnie Walsh and James Dolan caved to a bonehead mass audience by breaking up an up-and-coming team with long-term aspirations to bring in their “second superstar”, ’cause, you know, you can’t win a championship without two superstars (hmm, Detroit 2003-04, Miami 2005-06 anyone?). When was the last time a team was thrown together through trades and free agent signings and won a title?

Everyone is a superstar these days. Superstars, in my book, are hard-nosed leaders who make their teammates better and don’t need to score to have a big effect on a game. Carmelo is an exciting player, and one of the most talented offensive forces of this generation. He will also lull his teammates to sleep by pounding the dribble and going one-on-one, and defends as if his opponent was signed out of a leper colony moments before the game. Continue reading


Fox Unbalanced: Balanced by Bubbly

For this week’s Fox Unbalanced, Greg has brought in renowned Damn Lies commenter “Bubbly” to provide balance to the question: Who is the Most Valuable Fantasy Player, and who is the Least Valuable Fantasy Player, so far this season? As usual, Bubbly’s answered aren’t recommended to be read while sober.

Bubbly’s MVP: Good arguments can be made for Kevin Love, LaMarcus Aldridge or Rudy Gay. All of them are having stellar fantasy years. But the fantasy player of the year is Dorell Wright. Wow. I hate that guy. The current leader in my league has him and that must be the case for hundreds of leagues. Steals, blocks, 3’s, points, low TO’s, almost acceptable percentage’s. Stunning. He has started to falter of late, but most do before the break. Stephen Curry and Monta Ellis managers also take hits from this shark. Yes! Shark! For some reason I associate Wright with a big, hungry shark. Swimming in northern California waters wearing a Warriors jersey perfectly tailored on his sharky frame! Now, when I see Wright’s line I start quoting Jaws.

“You’re going to need a bigger boat”…”‘Got soft, city hands Mr. Hooper. Been counting money all your life”… “‘I’m talking about working for livin! I’m talking about sharkin’!!”… “You go in the cage. Cage goes in the water. Shark is in the water.” Continue reading


Fox Unbalanced: Eyenga of the Tiger

Welcome to Cleveland, Christian. Do you want to go back to the Congo, yet?

Not to be confused with DJ Mbenga, my new favorite player is Cavaliers swingman Christian Eyenga. The Congolese sharpshooter can do a little bit of everything and has quietly been filling stat sheets with regularity since being inserted into Byron Scott’s starting lineup a few weeks ago.

Has anyone seen this guy? He is listed as being 21 years old, but I believe he earned a Purple Heart along with Greg Oden in the War of 1812. He has scored in double figures in four of his last five games, converted a 3-pointer in six of his last seven, averaged 1.8 steals over his last six and 1.7 blocks over his last eight. There is currently no one pressing him for his starting job, and being from the most war-torn part of the world prepared him well for the post-LeBron era in Cleveland. If he is mysteriously available in your league, hop on him like a cheap suit.

While an Eyenga lovefest has swept the nation, there were plenty of other happenings in the League of Extraordinarily Tall Gentlemen. Let’s take a look-see at some of last night’s eye-opening lines. Continue reading


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