I’ll Be Damned: Carmelo Anthony is a Knick

A group of guys that is slowly starting to make me root for the owners this offseason.

Carmelo Anthony. Just seeing that name in print triggers an attack on my nervous system even an alarming amount of beer can’t cure, and believe me I’ve experimented. He’s everywhere. Everything’s “Melo”. Melo this, Melo that. And now that we’ve gone through an All-Star Break of Melo Mania, with four straight days without a real NBA game, I’ve had it. Melo has harshed my mellow.

Well, he’s now a Knick. Finally. Shamefully (really, did he want to get his cash that badly that he made NY trade away all of their assets?). And he’ll probably praise himself at his press conference for how he handled all of this.

How I handled all of this was similar to how I handle a day-long hangover, which is writhing around in bed and finally forcing myself to vomit. Only this was every day for like six months.

We can finally vomit. Here are the specific chunks:

The Knicks get Anthony, Chauncey Billups, Shelden Williams, Anthony Carter, Renaldo Balkman and Corey Brewer. The Nuggets get Danilo Gallinari, Raymond Felton, Wilson Chandler, Timofey Mozgov and Donnie Walsh hiding in the luggage compartment. The Timberwolves get Anthony Randolph, the right to negotiate with Ricky Rubio over ice cream, cash, and Eddy Curry‘s body for medical research. In a widely-unreported off-shoot of the blockbuster, Damn Lies & Statistics blogger Tom Lorenzo, a long-time Gallinari shill, has been traded to the alternative Denver-area publication Rocky Mountain High, where he will cover Gallinari full-time, probably literally. In return, we receive an ounce of the copy desk’s finest “bubbly” and cash considerations, pending a Lorenzo physical.

Let’s examine the fantasy fallout (grades based on a five-Melohead system, five being the best fantasy situation).

Carmelo Anthony
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The man of the hour, if a Carmelo hour equals 378,439 hours. We all know the fantasy drill here. Melo will be really really good playing for Mike D’Antoni, at least stat-wise, with the potential for him to improve upon his semi-disappointing numbers this year with the Nuggets. Five pouty Carmelo heads for the man. It’s about the same as getting three years, $65 milliion.

Chauncey Billups
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Four Meloheads for Chauncey if only for the switch to the D’Antoni system. Billups still has to share the ball with Amar’e Stoudemire and Melo, so his scoring might stay the same, but the assists and threes could definitely rise.

Shelden Williams
Carmelo Anthony Carmelo Anthony
There’s the potential for deep-league value for Williams, believe it or not. Since James Dolan caved on the Mozgov demand, New York is left with Ronny Turiaf and Stoudemire, and now Williams, up front. Williams could conceivably average 7-9 rebounds per game in about 20-25 minutes.

Corey Brewer
Carmelo Anthony Carmelo Anthony
Brewer was starting and playing 25 minutes a game for the T-Wolves, and that won’t be the case in New York. He’ll battle with Shawne Williams and Bill Walker for the right to back up Anthony and Fields, and could get some run in New York’s smaller lineups. He’s worth stashing in deeper leagues because he’s a nice fit in the system, but expect inconsistency.

Danilo Gallinari
Carmelo Anthony Carmelo Anthony Carmelo Anthony
Gallinari leaves the D’Antoni System (TM), which can only hurt him. He could be flipped by Denver but if not there is a logjam of wings there now that Chandler is in town (along with Arron Afflalo, J.R. Smith and even Al Harrington). More deals should come. Watch this closely. If Gallo gets shipped to the Clippers he should enjoy a nice boost.

Wilson Chandler
Carmelo Anthony Carmelo Anthony
It is possible that George Karl will implement a Knick-type free-for-all in Denver, but that crowded wing/forward rotation right now looks awfully tough for Chandler to excel in. Hope for the best, which is multiple Nuggets traded away in the next few days.

Raymond Felton
Carmelo Anthony
This sucks for Felton and his fantasy owners. Raymond’s never gonna have it as good as he had it in New York, and now he goes to the one team that is prepared to start someone else at point guard – Ty Lawson. Felton is going to be shopped around but he has the kind of contract you give to starting point guards, and there aren’t a lot of teams looking for those right now.

Ty Lawson
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It seems like Lawson is now the clear starting point guard in Denver, a cause for minor celebration for fantasy owners who have been stashing him. The question lingers about Felton though, in terms of whether or not the Nuggs can trade him before Thursday. If Felton sticks around, these two could split minutes in a way that is less than ideal for either’s value.

Anthony Randolph
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Randolph receives three Meloheads if only because he is leaving fantasy Siberia for NBA Siberia, Minnesota. This is a step-up because there is nowhere to go but up. With both Darko Milicic and Michael Beasley nursing injuries of late, Randolph could get some exploratory run here, and possibly help fantasy owners. We aren’t holding our breath, but there is at least potential here.

There should be several more deals in the league over the next couple of days now that this monster is completed. Look for movement in Portland, New Jersey and even Denver again, as well as a few surprises. We here at Damn Lies will give you our analysis for every player of note affected.

I’ll Be Damned is a weekly fantasy basketball column written by Jeff Andriesse but really by Isiah Thomas in his spare time. Jeff definitely thinks Florida International deserves an at-large bid to the tournament this year. He can be reached via the Contact Us link at the top of the site, and you can follow him on Twitter here.


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