I’ll Be Damned: Bubbly Has a Roof Over His Head

Not Bubbly.

Every once in a while an underdog success story goes viral and becomes an overnight sensation, like Susan Boyle or Cigar Guy. Last week it was Ted Williams, a homeless Ohioan who was obviously very bright and talented. Naturally, the crack staff here at Damn Lies & Statistics wondered aloud if Mr. Williams was perhaps the mysterious and reclusive Bubbly, this blog’s No. 1 commenter and fan. A self-proclaimed homeless man from Cleveland with a sharp wit, musical talent and a love of fantasy hoops, Bubbly has been providing the most comprehensive fantasy analysis from a homeless perspective on the web right here at Damn Lies for a while. No other blog comes close.

We caught up with Bubbs on Monday to get some of his thoughts on his team and to find out if he was indeed Mr. Williams with the golden voice.

BREAK OUT THE BUBBLY
By Bubbly

COACHES WHO NEED MEDICATION
Scott Skiles
Gritty gutty? NO. CRAZY CRAZY. I am thankful the former magic superstar does not fool with my two Bucks, (Andrew) Bogut and (John) Salmons. The rest of you have to deal with his lineups du jour. I should not blame Skiles for Salmons’ ugly start or Bogut’s FT%. But I do.

THE Q-STER!
Thankfully I have no Pistons this year. The Q-ster is up to his weird tricks again. Tracy McGrady at point guard? Have another vat of gin. Now Austin Daye and Greg Monroe are getting more minutes and cloud the matter further.

TRIANO!
Did you fall for Sonny Weems, Ed Davis or Amir Johnson? I confess my sins! But I dropped Weems soon enough. Except for Andrea Bargnani and Jose Calderon this team is to be avoided. I share some of the Damn Lies & Stats enthusiasm for Linas Kleiza and Demarr DeRozan but not ’til they are with other teams.

VAN GUNDY
I dont understand why the Master of Panic plays his starters with a 25-point lead in the fourth. Sure. Good for us. That guy will feel stupid when Jameer Nelson and Dwight Howard go down.

BYRON SCOTT
He may need to take meds for the CRIPPLING DEPRESSION he feels when looking at his team. I chose not to tell everyone that I am a Cavs fan this summer. I am. Want to hurt a Cavs fan? Bring up the Ron Harper for Danny Ferry trade. We still mourn. ‘You need to get ove-‘ F^%# OFF. I WILL BE OVER THE HARPER FOR FERRY TRADE WHEN THERE IS SIX FEET OF GROUND OVER ME.

And cant forget Rush Limbaugh’s close personal friend PAUL WESTPHAL. Conservative? Really? Then why does it look like Hanoi Jane is making the lineup? If fellow conservative and climate scholar Spencer Hawes could not get along with this joker, who can? I hate to say the name Paul Westhead because that reminds me of Paul Westphal. Think of the stats lost!

THE TRUTH: I AM NOT HOMELESS

Okay. Time to come clean. I am not currently homeless. And was not during my first conversation with Jeff. But I have been! And have done fantasy ball while on the street. Jeff’s image of guys standing around a lit trash can like in Hogan’s Heroes, under a bridge, arguing over who gets OJ Mayo is hard to shake! Ya’ll know it’s not like that! Like all homeless I went to the library. It may come to that again.

Bubbly is a former homeless man turned fantasy basketball commenter extraordinaire. His rants appear randomly throughout this web site and he can be reached wherever the finest cannabis is bought and sold in the greater Cleveland area.

Jeff Andriesse’s column of fantasy musings, I’ll Be Damned, appears every Tuesday when he doesn’t forget to set his alarm. Email Jeff by using the Contact Us form at the top of the site, or follow him on Twitter, where he answers your weekly lineup questions each Monday throughout the day.


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One response to “I’ll Be Damned: Bubbly Has a Roof Over His Head

  • bubbly

    FULL DISCLOSURE. I broke my own advice and picked up Greg Monroe. He had a great line last night. I still fear the Q-ster’s wacky ways but my distrust of charlie villenueva is greater.

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