Daily Lies & Statistics: Back to School

There were 12 games on last night’s slate and two major upsets. There were actually three upsets if you count the effect of the pastrami reuben I inhaled while watching the Mavs/Spurs game.

Greg's an Earth sign, Larry Hughes is a water sign; together they make mud.

First, the Knickerbockers came back from 19 down to defeat the white-hot Pacers in Indiana last night, 110-103. I surprisingly made the right call so far this week on Al Harrington, who totaled 26 points on 8-of-13 shooting and four threes, but I failed to start Larry Hughes, who admonished me by serving up a 22, 10 and 7 with three steals and three 3-pointers.  Danny Granger was firing on all cylinders (33 pts, 12-18 fg, 5 3-pt fg) and Roy Hibbert added 14 and 12 with a pair of blocks. I think my esteemed colleague Mr. Lorenzo is purposely not starting the 7’2″ double-double machine just to sadistically rub in my face the fact that he stole him from me in the 10th round of the Damn Lies draft and doesn’t even need him.

This marks the second one-game winning streak this season for the Knicks and the 27th such streak over the past two seasons. Now if only they’d sign ‘Son of Iver’ they’d put themselves in a perfect position to charm grocery stand thieves, Ponzi schemers and other petty criminals back to the Garden.

The other surprising win came out of our nation’s capitol as the Wizards knocked off the Cavs, 108-91, despite 34 points and nine assists out of tight end LeBron James. The big story in this one was the return of Antawn Jamison, who in his first appearance of the season, erupted for 34 points on 12-of-22 shooting and added 10 caroms. Will Jamison stop doing this when he’s in his 50s? I’d swear he played on the Perkins/Daugherty teams at UNC in the mid-1980s.

Mike Miller, much to Jeff’s chagrin, added 17, 8 and 6 and Jamison’s hot shooting did nothing to stop Agent Zero, Gilbert Arenas, from hoisting an alarming amount of shots as he finished with 18, 6 and 8 on 6-of-22 from the floor. The Cavs were manhandled on the boards (49-35) and Mo Williams knocked down just 2-of-13 from the field. It just goes to prove that nobody beats the Wiz.

Elton Brand earned a Governor’s Reprieve before midnight with one of the top fantasy performances of the year (19 pts, 11 reb, 6 blk, 3 st) as the Sixers snuck by Stephen Jackson‘s Bobcats, 86-84. Captain Jack got his owners high last night to the tune of 26, 5 and 5, and his 9-of-21 from the field was the equivalent of a typical shooting night for Marc Gasol.  Andre Iguodala finished with 25, 5 and 3 with three steals and the sneaky Lou Williams registered 19 points and six assists.

Golden State continues to hang around with only eight players and on the road against strong teams. Last night, the Warriors were defeated by Boston, 109-95 after hanging with the Cadavers in Cleveland the night before. Corey Maggette led the way with 23 points on 8-of-13 shooting, but annoyingly played only 32 minutes. Equally annoyed are Anthony Randolph owners as their favorite ectomorph tallied only 11 points and eight boards with no blocks or steals in a measley 24 minutes.

Thornton Melon in Back to School

After last night's games, Greg feels like he just gave birth... to an accountant.

The White Chocolate era began on a positive note as the Magic rolled over the Thunder, 108-94. Rashard Lewis owners must have the look that Rodney Dangerfield had after Sam Kinison appreciated his Korean Conflict comments in Back to School as he posted 17 points, 10 rebounds and nine assists in his second game of the season. Lewis will pretty much bottle up any effectiveness that Ryan Anderson had the first few weeks and will in effect crush Matt Barnes‘ hopes and dreams.

As for the Mavs/Spurs, that loveable starker Dirk Nowitzki poured in a season-best 41 points, 12 of which came in OT as Dallas pulled out a five-point win. The Spurs were again without Tony Parker and Manu Ginobili re-injured himself and saw only seven minutes of court time. Things are going so poorly on the injury front for San Antonio that my long lost brother, Malik Hairston, got six minutes of daylight.

Time to practice the Triple Lindy.


2 responses to “Daily Lies & Statistics: Back to School

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